So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
