Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
