We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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