How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
