I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize