And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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