Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
