i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
