can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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