After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
another moral hangover. fuck.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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