R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
