i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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