After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
