i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
