dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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