I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
