I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize