"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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