I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
