On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
And then he peed in my hair
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