Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
