Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
the liver wants what the liver wants
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
