i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It was confusing and full of hummus
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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