i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
