i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
