i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
