imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I currently don't understand fingers.
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