Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
