alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So many bounce houses so little time
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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