I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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