mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
