awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
