i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
