There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
