Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
