We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
