That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize