What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
