Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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