U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I cut my penus on the lid.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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