it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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