i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
