I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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