it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
This toilet bowl is my home.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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