I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
