my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
