That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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