'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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