so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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