i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
