Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
pray to the hookup gods
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
