i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
