I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
