This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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