I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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