She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I can't turn off my feet"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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