the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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