I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
