Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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