There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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