Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
