I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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