I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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