forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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