I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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