So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
