If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
These tits shall not be calmed
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
