we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
