he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
