I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
