Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
