so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I want a musical about memes.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize