We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
